#2 Reflection: The Interpersonal Communication Problem (Revised)

Last week I tried to buy iced milk coffee from a coffee shop near my place and was being attended by a mandarin speaking middle-aged man. I told him exactly what I wanted in Mandarin; he verified my order by asking me again, collected my money and proceeded to make my coffee. It was a quiet afternoon, and there was nobody in the queue, so I thought this was just like any ordinary day. Like anyone else, I checked my phone while waiting for my order and read some emails in the process. So after a couple of minutes, he handed me a hot black coffee. At that time, I reacted by telling him nicely that the drink was not what I wanted and tell him what I ordered again. Little did I realise that this was a nightmare.

Suddenly the man gave me an angered look and scolded me on the spot, saying that I did not communicate my orders well to him and that I did not stop him while he was making the wrong coffee. That scolding was deafening, given that the coffee shop was only filled with a few patrons and it was as if he was screaming at the top of his lungs. At that moment, I thought that this man is ridiculous and I was furious at him, so I told him that I do not need the drink and I just want my money back. He refused to return the money back to me and told me to go out of the coffee shop.

As of now, first of all; it was an honest mistake. None of us is at fault, and I didn’t blame the middle-aged man after thinking it through. I ordered my iced milk coffee in Mandarin so that he could understand me and he verified my order. Subsequently, he may have forgotten my order in the next second and thought my order was otherwise. What puzzles me is that why he was so angry and start blaming me when I told him he got my orders wrong in a rather casual fashion. Suddenly the concept of “The Customer Is Always Right” is non-existent and instead, gets a scolding for trying to buy something. Now, I wonder if there was any co-relation between the empty coffee shop and the man.

So to my readers, how should I have reacted when he start yelling at me? Or, how would you have reacted? Let me know how your thoughts below!

8 thoughts on “#2 Reflection: The Interpersonal Communication Problem (Revised)”

  1. Hi Jenson,

    I personally thought this was a good example given the fact that such scenarios pertaining to wrong orders are quite common in our day-to-day context 🙂 The flow of the entire interpersonal communication problem was concisely detailed and elaborated, giving us as readers a vivid representation of the occurrence associated with the problem.

    Unfortunately for your case, judging from his irrational reactions, the middle-aged hawker seemed to be having a bad day. Although you tried to explain politely to the hawker at the first attempt to ease the miscommunication, it did not seem to be as well-received, and I think for that, there’s isn’t anything much you can do about it. However, if I could suggest, maybe in cases like this where the polite approach does not work the second time round, it would be better to walk away without the refund to avoid any direct confrontation? 🙂

    To be honest, being in the hospitality sector where service is held with high regard, I deem such service quality unacceptable and I’d probably raise it up to the boss of the stall if the opportunity arises or personally not patronise the stall again.

    Kind regards,
    Hazel Lim

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Hazel,

      Thank you for your comment! Indeed, I think it was a bad day for BOTH of us actually, me being the unlucky one, unfortunately, haha.

      That being said, I think it would be a hard for me to go against my principles. When I paid for something, I expect something to be returned or refund otherwise. However, your solution could have worked as well, you never know when you never try! 🙂

      And I am totally on your side in regards to the service quality being unacceptable. Perhaps, the drinks stall is not worth my patronage from that day onwards.

      Warmest Regards,
      Jenson Seah

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you, Jenson, for this clear and concise description of a problem scenario that probably many of us have experienced. In that way, this is a good one for discussion.

    Your question focuses on your reacting to the man’s yelling, but you could take the scene a step back and focus on your initial reaction to the discovery that he had not made the right coffee. How might you have reacted in a way so as not to cause the server to lose his cool?

    However, I suppose that in a case where the service person is not just forgetful but also inclined to be rude, the best option is to do what Hazel suggested, just walk out of the store. If you’re paying more for something more important, something that has a higher cost, just walking away may not be an option. Then what?

    Let’s see if anyone else has feedback.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Brad,

      Thank you for reading and commenting on my post, appreciate that.

      Hazel has provided me with a real simple yet very feasible solution in this case of ‘just a cup of coffee’, which is really not a big deal really. But you have raised an interesting question, that is if this was something of a higher value instead of a cup of coffee, what could be a more viable option?

      Also, I agree with you that my first reaction towards the discovery of the wrong coffee being made by the man could be a focus, it might be the root cause of this whole incident. Just to add on, my rationale of asking a question focusing on reacting to the man’s yelling was that I do feel that my initial reaction was just and normal, but to take a step back is a good option too.

      Again, thank you for the insightful feedback, and I have learnt from both you and Hazel. 🙂

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  3. After giving a thought about the conflict situation that happened about three weeks ago, I think that Hazel and Brad has given me different perspectives and the alternative responses that I could learn and apply. I feel that I could in fact, deal with the situation better.

    By understanding the Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode concept in the first place, I should have used the avoiding mode as what Hazel has suggested; to walk away without demanding a refund from the middle-aged man. In this case, the man is more competing and highly assertive; avoiding mode could work. If I have walk away and avoid the conflict in the first place, this incident would not spoil my entire day and I would not made the man any angrier.

    Consequently, as what Brad has mentioned, if I can sense that the person is inclined to be rude and perhaps assertive, avoiding mode would be suitable. Afterall, the value of a cup of coffee is low and it is not worth going into a conflict just like that.

    To summarise, preventing a conflict is actually better than resolving a conflict. Sometimes, using the Thomas-Kilmann’s avoiding mode is the key to avoid a conflict in the first place. The value and benefits of getting into a conflict should also be critically and quickly evaluated before I approach a potential conflict situation.

    Thank you all for reading!

    Warmest Regards,
    Jenson Seah

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